It’s Not Old. Just Older.

*Hey man it’s been a while
Do you remember me?*

I believe I was 25 years old when I secretly said to myself, “Matt, I think it would be nice if you were married, engaged, or on the road to being engaged by the time to reach 30.”

I was naive then.

It was unfair to subject myself to that type of pressure.

I have about as much control over the when, and who, I fall in love with as I do over the weather.

You see…today I turn 30.

*Been up and down and in between
To all these years and miles of memories
I’m still chasing dreams*

Though I may not be married.  Though I may not be engaged.  Though I may not be on that particular road.  The last 30 years are more than a young boy’s failed pipe-dream.

Today is not a day to reflect on the things I do not have in my life.  Today is a day to spotlight things that have made the last 30 years Legendary.

My love life had reached “maturity” at a later time than most, but that didn’t mean it wasn’t a roller coaster of events.  The high school years were somewhat typical (unless you watch too much MTV, my life was nothing like that).  There were the friends at my high school; a majority of them from a mix of music and theater (so obviously drama just follows that crowd). *insert sigh for bad pun here* And there were my buddies at another high school (GBS forever!); who became more than just friends, they became brothers.

I went to college and thus began the era of new friendships, new adventures and new drama; because obviously I had to get involved in theater there too.  It was also while I was in college that I fell in love for the first time.  Which eventually lead to my heart being broken for the first time.

Changing majors after my freshman year was a crucial stepping stone to what would become a successful venture into video production work.  A year into those studies I began my own “production company” and began doing wedding videos on a “free-lance” basis.  I’ve had the privilege to continue documenting the love others have found for the last 10 years.  The most cherished of those weddings are the ones I had the honor to produce for a few of my best friends; Andy, Justin & Katie, “Dera”, Amy and Tyler.  And as more of my friends continue to get married, as long as I’ve got my camera…the film will be rolling. 

Not long after getting my degree, I was asked by an employer to produce a 30 second holiday commercial for the company.  This ended up airing throughout the Metro Area courtesy of a major local cable provider.  Not too shabby for a 22-year-old kid just out of college.

*Breathin’ that California air
When you took on the world
We were young and brave*

I moved to Los Angeles, California in January 2004.

Apparently my roller coaster goes from the Midwest to the West Coast, and by living in LaLa Land…drama and life were inevitable.

More friendships were forged, some so solid that I now consider them family.  It was out there I reconnected with a girl I met through a mutual friend during college.  We were both new to the City of Angels, so we became the others support…the others rock.  I experienced a different type of heart-break later that year when she left LA.  Little did I know at the time that our friendship would remain strong (if not become stronger) and our occupancy in the same city would come again sooner than anticipated.

The world was introduced to this young Midwestern Italian boy courtesy of MTV and a reality-TV dating show episode.  I became “star struck” when I served Alyson Hannigan coffee while working at Starbucks.  A personal dream was fulfilled on my 26th birthday when a casting director called me to make an offer to one of my agencies clients for a major motion picture, which I had submitted and pitched him for.  I was cast in my first lead role in an independent movie called What Comes Next; where I had my first on-screen kiss.

Love found me for a second time while I was in LA.  Regrettably, this time around it was my turn to do the heart breaking.  However, regardless of the unhealthy, or toxic, nature of that relationship…the lessons I would end up learning were not restricted purely to the topics of life and love.  I discovered the type of man I knew I wanted to be.  I became more comfortable in my own skin; knowing that to truly love someone else; you must first love yourself.  I began living my life for me.

*Well I look in the mirror
I don’t hate what I see
There’s a few more lines starin’ back at me*

In 2007 I moved to Kansas City.  I felt I had accomplished what I needed to in LA and at this stage of my life I wanted to be a little closer to family.

Being in the same city as my sister allowed me to get to know my 2-year-old nephew better.  Two years later my niece was born.  Upon meeting her, I learned the true definition of unconditional love.

My “rock” from LA had been living in KC for a few years now.  She and I were not only reunited, she was engaged, and I was able to bond with her fiance’ effortlessly. 

Again, I chose to move to KC for family.  Family, for me, goes way beyond blood. 

Working briefly for a modeling agency, I met a couple of people who helped guide me to a new creative venture: portrait photography.  I’ve started running *for fun* and have since completed three 1/2 marathons. I now find myself in the best physical shape I have ever been in…in my entire life.

My ability to trust first and ask questions later has been reignited, and my heart opened back up to the prospect of finding love.

*Like a favorite pair of torn blue jeans
This skin I’m in it’s alright with me
It’s not old, just older*

I have not found love yet here in Kansas City.  I believe I have come close, but time and circumstance had other plans.

What I have found is true acceptance.  I know the man I want to be.  I will never cease to learn and evolve.  Recent events have shed light on parts of my being that I never knew existed.

No illusions.  No unfair promises.  No unreasonable expectations.

Ask me, am I where I wanted to be at 30?

I’m where I need to be.  I’m who I want to be.  I am a firm believer that some things happen for a reason.

My roller coaster hasn’t stopped at 30.

As the song goes, “It’s not old.  Just older.”

*the bold text above are lyrics taken from the song ‘Just Older’ from the Bon Jovi album – Crush.*