Is he a Wolverine in sheep’s clothing?
A conversation, during a date in April, ended up on the topic of online dating and the variety of people you encounter there.
In this particular discussion she mentioned two types of men that irritated her the most. First were the douche-bags, who are primarily looking to score, and typically send stellar messages like “Damn gurl, you B hot,” or “You need more body shots in your profile.” (It mortifies me that I was even remotely associated with guys like this by simply being registered on the same sites as them.)
The second type resulted in my serious consideration of needing to change the name of this blog. If you couldn’t already tell by the title of this post, she said the other spine-shiver-sending class of men were the nice guys.
This is not the first time I’ve heard of women not liking a nice guy, but it’s for reasons that, up until the last couple of months, had completely eluded me. Upon reflection I realized that a new “breed” of nice guy has emerged and entered the world as we know it.
You could call them the Entitled Nice Guys.
These are the “nice guys” who seem to only do the nice acts with the expectation of getting something in return. These are the guys who get overly pissed and frustrated when they are rejected. Often you’ll hear their screamed complaints for one of two reasons:
- Being placed in the Friend Zone
- Being passed up for the “bad boy”…yet again
In either circumstance the Entitled Nice Guy may withdraw, but more often he will act-out.
He will begin acting disrespectful towards the woman whom he had been treating with a gentlemanly nature just days ago. This 180-degree shift can be attributed to frustration, anger, pain, even a damaged ego. Often you’ll find him emulating the Five Stages of Grief:
- Denial: No one likes to come in second place; as it’s the first loser. If romantic feelings are involved, hearing the word f-r-i-e-n-d can be crushing. This stage comes and goes like the wind and in no time stage 2 is achieved…
- Anger: Unfortunately, this feeling is directed completely in the wrong direction. Anger will be fired toward the woman rather than the appropriate target; himself. This is where name calling, swearing, and disrespect typically come into play.
- Bargaining: After the unhealthy venting session he will begin to bargain…with himself. Convinced that if she doesn’t want to be with him he can become someone else, the precise guy she wants to be with. This will fail miserably and seamlessly transition into stage 4…
- Depression: Confused and stuck after repeated rejection he will withdraw into his Fortress of Solitude to heal. There is no estimated amount of time this process can take.
- Acceptance: The most difficult (as I hear it) for the Entitled Nice Guy to reach. Realistically, stages 1 through 4 will be repeated multiple times before finally finding clarity and enlightenment, paving the way to Acceptance. The type of acceptance largely just depends on the guy and the particular “lesson”. Has he just accepted that this woman doesn’t want to be with him, but he keeps the same strategy? Or will he accept that being less-than-genuine in his nice guy actions requires re-calibration?
What the Entitled Nice Guy has trouble getting a firm grasp of is that their so-called ‘nice guy act’ is precisely that; an act. Women can see through the bullshit. Though the veil may be in place for the first few dates, it won’t be long before you become completely transparent that she gleans that your motives are far less than genuine.
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